How to Win the Bachelorette Using Mindstates, Part 2: The Men

Well, there you have it: America’s sweetheart Hannah Beast chose to give Jed the final rose, he proposed, and they’ll assumedly live happily ever after. We were left in suspense after the first half of the finale gave us a new vision for “windmills” (and spawned a thousand tweets about dog food jingles) but failed to crown a winner. Hannah and Jed appear happy together, but who knows where things will end up after all that's happened this season. Would anybody be surprised if next week’s tabloids had pictures of Peter and Hannah snuggled up? 

But for now, Hannah has given her heart to Jed. Did Hannah’s decision come as a shock to you? Well, if you read the first article in this series, it shouldn’t have been too shocking that Jed won, as he did the best job of appealing to Hannah’s Optimistic Achievement mindstate throughout the season. This made him more appealing to Hannah on a psychological level and ultimately earned him the final rose.

For those who missed the first article or are new to this concept, a mindstate is a temporary state of mind that finds us under high emotional arousal, relying more on subconscious factors, and therefore more susceptible to influence. We previously discussed how, given her background, Hannah is driven by the achievement motivation, which I define as “the feeling of being successful, victorious, and proud by overcoming obstacles.” How she approaches her goals (her regulatory approach) is with an optimistic focus, meaning she’s not afraid to take big risks to get what she wants.

I want to take a look at how Jed appealed to Hannah’s specific subconscious mindstate throughout the season, but first, we need to talk about Luke P. How did a guy who is so clearly unhinged manage to stick around for as long as he did, even coming back from elimination? Let’s dig into it. 

Luke P. Sabotaged His Own Success

What a roller coaster ride it was with Luke P. After the recent Twitter back-and-forth where Hannah and Luke P. were debating who’s a sinner and what religion really is, you might wonder what Hannah ever saw in this guy. Well, before things went sideways, Luke P. started out strong because he was assertive and actively pursued her. However, as we discussed in the last article, once he started being confrontational with the other guys and acting wishy-washy with Hannah, he sealed his fate. Hannah sent him home… until he came back to the Rose Ceremony!

Here, we again saw Luke P. appealing to Hannah’s mindstate by saying, “I’m here to win, no matter the costs.” That’s Optimistic Achievement at its core: taking risks to get what you want. It’s the kind of action he was taking early in the season before things went off the rails for him.

It seemed possible this hail mary might be enough to reignite the coals of Hannah’s attraction to Luke P., which she described at one point this season as “love at first sight.” His bold gamble wasn’t enough, however. Hannah sent him home for good during the last episode.

It’s not a stretch to say that had he not self-destructed during the season, Luke P. could’ve won Hannah’s heart in the end. But once he acted in a way that opposed her natural Optimistic Achievement mindstate, there was no coming back. That’s not to say Luke P. and Hannah would’ve stayed together, as he’s clearly a volatile personality, but he could’ve gotten the win on the show.

So, how did Jed manage to grab the win instead? Let’s break it all down.

How Jed Won Her Heart

We’ve seen Jed’s type before: the aspiring musician who comes on the show to advance his career. Not only is he “here for the wrong reasons” (a hilarious critique viewers lob against the contestants on this show), but Jed had a girlfriend before coming on! That’s two strikes, buddy! Before he left, Jed told his girlfriend, “Hang tight, I’m going to get some face time, then I’ll be sent home early and we can resume our relationship.” Given these question marks about Jed going in, you would assume he was behind the 8-ball on winning Hannah’s heart.

Yet when Jed sang Hannah a song on the first night that referenced her beloved Alabama Crimson Tide (something we discussed in the last article), she was immediately drawn to him. Jed took a big swing to make a strong impression (i.e. optimistic achievement) and it worked. 

Then there was the Scotland date with the wrestling. Whereas the other guys were trying to kill each other, Jed played it smart. He stopped the show right before they announced the winner and said he’d fight any man for Hannah’s heart, but truly, he’d rather take on Hannah. She agreed and Jed let her win. This move appealed to Hannah’s mindstate for the same reason Jed’s song did (it was a big risk), but also because he let her win (i.e. achieve her goal).

Even when he was acting like a jerk by telling Hannah she shouldn’t have kept Luke P. around, he spun the conversation so it appealed to her mindstate. He said he was looking out for her best interests and didn’t want to see her get hurt. It was selfish, but he was smart about it.

Then there was the moment when Jed referenced the Hannah Beast personality by saying to Hannah, “You’re just so… grrrr.” It perfectly summed up what we now know: Jed was working this season to appeal to Hannah on a psychological level, and it earned him the win.


Lessons for Marketing and Sales

So, what can learn from the antics of The Bachelorette contestants as they tried (and mostly failed) to woo Hannah? If you think about your customers like Hannah, the key to winning them over is to speak to their psychological mindstate. When you do that, you’ll connect with them just as deeply as Jed connected with Hannah. Your message will feel more natural, thereby making it easier for you to influence their behavior, whether that’s buying your product over your competitors, getting them to upgrade their membership, or coming back to your service.

If you want that final rose, so to speak, you have to appeal to your customers on a subconscious level by first understanding their mindstate, then framing your marketing message or sales pitch in a way that it connects with their motivation and regulatory approach. If you take a halfhearted approach with customers, they’re far more likely to give that rose to your competitor.